


at the end of all things

by ceruleancrowns



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Endgame fix-it, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 07:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18846385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceruleancrowns/pseuds/ceruleancrowns
Summary: Bucky closes his eyes, unable to take Bruce's counting. There's no point. He's not coming back.





	at the end of all things

"You miss her."

 

Steve looks up from staring at Peggy's picture to meet Bucky's eyes. "... A part of me still does. Losing you, losing Sam, and now Nat and Tony, it makes a guy think. It's been a long five years. I miss her way of being practical, if that makes sense."

 

Bucky sits beside Steve, the bed beneath them creaking from the new weight. They stay silent for a few minutes.

 

"You bringing the stones back after the funeral?" Bucky finally speaks up, after what felt like, to him, an eternity of staring at a dent in the wall across them.

 

"That's the plan."

 

"What about after?” Steve blinks and looks at Bucky once again, compass forgotten in his hand.

 

"After what?”

 

"After all this." Bucky waves his hand - he only now noticed that Bucky's vibranium arm wasn't attached yet; that must mean they're not late for the funeral just yet- in an offhand gesture. The battle, the hopelessness, the hard-earned victory, all in a short movement.

 

"I don't know yet. After everything that's happened... I honestly don't know, Buck." Just the thought of the future ahead is enough to send Steve spiraling into thoughts that should be left in the dark. "Part of me didn't think I'd be alive to see it." He hears himself laugh. He wonders if it sounds hollow to Bucky as much as it does to him.

 

He catches the pinched look on Bucky's face. 'Not just me then,' he thought.

 

"You deserve a break, pal. From all this." Bucky turns away from him and stares at the wall. Steve wonders idly if he's staring at the same dent that he had been earlier.

 

"Maybe T'challa will let me bunk with you," Steve says jokingly, thinking that it wouldn't be so bad living with Bucky again. As a matter of fact, it sounded great. They'd lost too much time together, after all.

 

Bucky had a small smile on his face that quickly turned into a grimace. 'Maybe not so perfect,' Steve thought, confused.

 

"You should go back. To Peggy. Get that dance of yours." Bucky's voice is monotone as he speaks. Steve looks up in surprise. "Get away from all of this. Live the life you were supposed to."

 

Steve sputters, "Buck, what? I - I can't do that! I can't change the past and live there. How would that even work?"

 

"Then don't change anything." Bucky says calmly, although there is a hitched quality to his voice. "At least not anything worth noting."

 

"But, Bucky-"

 

"Steve, you miss her. You... you love her. You have a fucking time machine." Bucky grabs Steve's shoulder, catching him by surprise. "If you don't take this chance to be with your girl, I'm going to punch you. Shuri's done a lot of work on that arm, so don't take that threat lightly."

 

Bucky's voice becomes softer but he doesn't look away from Steve, "You, of all people, deserve to be happy. Hell, you deserve to be selfish about this one thing. Go to her. Say hi to her from me. If she can't make you happy, nothing will."

 

Something deep within Steve, buried long ago, starts to struggle to get out, to be heard, but seeing the determined look on Bucky's face stops it.

 

"You... you're okay with me doing that? You think everyone will be okay with that?"

 

He thinks he sees something in Bucky's face breaks, but it's gone in a second. "Don't worry about me, Steve. I'll get by. Besides, I've got Sam to annoy now." Steve ignores the pang in his chest at the thought. "If anyone's not okay with it, screw them. Captain America fought aliens and reversed the apocalypse, he gets to do whatever the hell he wants."

 

It's Steve's turn to stare at the dent. "Thanks, Buck. I'll think about it."

 

 

***

 

 

"I think I'll pass the shield on."

 

"Sam?"

 

Steve nods, and fiddles with his compass. "He'd make a great Captain America. He inspires people."

 

Bucky agrees, "Charming too. He'd fit the red and blue just fine. Don't tell him I said that. I'd have to deal with the smug look on his face if you do."

 

Steve chuckles, "He'll get a good laugh out of that, yeah."

 

 

***

 

 

Steve and Bucky stay in a silence that, from the outside, looked comfortable if not for the thoughts swirling in Steve's head.

 

It's not that he doesn't want to go back and start a quiet life. He just thought it would be with someone else - someone whose loss shook him to the core. The last five years had faded into this faint but burning hope that in the after, if there was an after, they could finally be allowed to be something... more.

 

That hope had fizzled into nothing when Bucky had once again pushed him away, not because of the fear and the brainwashing, but with his own free will. 

 

He tries to remember Peggy's face - the bright red shade of her lips, the ever-present knowing look in her eyes, the sound of her voice - tries to remember the love that he had for her. It was still there, buried deep within about the same time that she was.

 

Perhaps he shouldn't push himself unto Bucky who has just started to heal. Perhaps he should be selfish for once in his life and grab at whatever happiness he can get. 

 

He looked at Bucky who was staring out of the window, a peaceful look on his face that would've been out of place years ago. 

 

Perhaps Bucky was right, but he was going to miss that damned smile of his.

 

 

***

 

 

"Don't do anything stupid til I get back."

 

"How can I, you're taking all the stupid with you."

 

"I'm gonna miss you, buddy."

 

"It's gonna be okay, Buck."

 

And it was. Everything was going to be okay. He had already decided, and when he did, everything became clear.

 

And he was gone.

 

 

***

 

 

_Five..._

 

Bucky stared helplessly at the empty platform, already feeling regret. But he can't feel regret. That's where Steve wants to be, after all, and Steve's happiness always comes first.

 

_Four..._

 

But it stings deeply, to not be the one to give Steve the happiness that he deserves. In a way, he supposes he has. He had let him go.

 

_Three..._

 

There will always be a shadow of doubt in his mind - would he have loved him back? If he had tried, would they have had a chance?

 

_Two..._

 

Bucky closes his eyes, unable to take Bruce's counting. There's no point. He's not coming back.

 

_One..._

 

He's not coming back.

 

 

***

 

 

At the sound of the portal, Bucky opens his eyes and to his shock, there he is, Steve Rogers, with the shield and Mjolnir in hand.

 

"What are you still doing here?" Bucky's voice sounds hoarse in his own ears but he no longer cares.

 

"What do you mean, Buck?" He's smiling. Why is he smiling?

 

"I thought we agreed that you'll go back." Is he yelling? It sounds loud to him but that could be the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

 

"You two agreed on what?" Sam's angry tone broke through the fog in Bucky's brain.

 

"Look- never mind. Clearly it didn't happen so there's nothing to worry about." Bucky walks away from the platform, from Sam, and from Steve who, being Steve, trailed after Bucky.

 

"Buck. Bucky! Let me explain."

 

Bucky looked back at Steve and sighed. "You never listened to me. Why start now, right?"

 

"I'm with you, Bucky. I deserve to be happy. And I've thought about it. And me and Peggy. And, well," Steve hesitates, and looks at Bucky meaningfully, "About us."

 

"Us?" Bucky's eyes widen and he swallows, noticing his heart beating faster.

 

"When you died, the first time, I swore that I would kill HYDRA on my own if I had to. I chased you when you kept running away from me and fighting me because you didn't remember. I would do all those things again. You know why?"

 

"Because you're a punk and I'm your best pal?" He isn't even sure if he's still breathing or not. All that matters is Steve and that he's here.

 

"I think we both know it's more than that." Steve says earnestly. "I love you, James Buchanan Barnes, and I'm happy to be where you are."

 

Steve drops both the shield and hammer and hugs Bucky tightly. "I could never be happy without you, Buck."

 

Bucky hugs just as tightly "I love you too, Steve Grant Rogers."

 

They stay like that for about a few minutes, the sun casting a glow upon the lake and the two of them.

 

"So... about that bunk bed in Wakanda..."

 

"We're sharing a bed, punk."

**Author's Note:**

> I tried really really hard to make this Endgame-compliant. I initially intended for this to be a way to make peace with the ending for Steve, but I can't make it make sense.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
